so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
