Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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