No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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