By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
