Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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