I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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