An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
