I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
