you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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