They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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