she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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