I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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