The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
