4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
