saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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