I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize