Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
