omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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