I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
