It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize