Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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