yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
