I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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