I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
