The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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