The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
