Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
