I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
