i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
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I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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