i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
