Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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