I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
