I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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