I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
