The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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