Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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