Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
