OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
