i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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