I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
