If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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