I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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