im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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