I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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