I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
