Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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