My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
