I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
