I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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