what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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