You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
