When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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