i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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