It's like God shit irony all over that family
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
