i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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