So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
