The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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